[Mikey Warner]

Just to bring a bit of festive laughter i thought i'd post a joke,.....

One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa

was getting ready for his annual trip, but there were

problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and

the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as

the regular ones, so Santa was beginning to feel the

pressure of being behind schedule.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to

visit. This stressed Santa even more. Then he went to

harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were

about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and

were out, heaven knows where. More stress!!!

Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the

boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and

scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into

the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey.

When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the

elves had hid the liquor and there was nothing to

drink.

In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the coffee

pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all

over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and

found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from.

Just then, the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his

way to the door. He opened the door and there was a

little Angel with a great big Christmas tree. The

Angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas Santa,

isn't it just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn't it just a lovely tree? Where would you like me to stick it?"

Thus began the tradition of the little Angel on top of

the Christmas tree  

[paul]

I LIKED THAT ONE BONES

[g_griffin]

Don`t sell the ladders just yet Bones

             Gerry.

[paul w]

nice one bones

[fez]

A Russian couple were walking down the street in Moscow one night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose.
"I think it's raining", he said to his wife.

"No, that felt more like snow to me", she replied.

"No, I'm sure it was just rain" he said.

Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing.

Just then they saw a Communist Party official walking toward them.
"Let's not fight about it", the man said, "Let's ask Comrade Rudolph whether it's officially raining or snowing".

As the official approached, the man said, "Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, it it officially raining or snowing?"

"It's raining, of course", he replied, and walked on.

But the woman insisted: "I know that felt like snow!", to which the man
quietly replied:





Wait for it............





"Rudolph the Red, knows rain, dear".


Sorry!!

[jonesy5]

a man called eric was lucky enough to come across a magic lantern, he rubbed and sure enough up popped a genie. The genie said to eric "i can only give you one wish so use it wisely"
now eric said to the genie "ive always wanted to visit austraila but i cant fly and theres no way im going accross water".
Well the genie thought long and hard and new this was going to be some task, so he said to eric "look to do this i got to build a road 10 000 miles long over deserts and under seas, i just dont think its possible, even for me, look eric can you think of something else.
well eric thought and yes there was something!
"look mr genie ive always wanted to know what makes a woman tick, why is it one day shes fine and the next WELL, and how come we men can never understand them.



"was that a single or dual carrigeway" said the genie

[karlosdaze]

http://www.people.cornell.edu/pages/slp29/insane.html

[fez]

http://www.people.cornell.edu/pages/slp29/insane.html

60 Seconds??? I didn't even make it to five!! (if you don't know what I'm on about, click on the link).

[STEVE71163]

Thats good that About 10 seconds is all i could manage

Steve

[Majestic]

Longer than me , but I did like this one
http://www.people.cornell.edu/pages/slp29/moon.html

[Neil]

Excellent stuff.  
I sent the http://www.people.cornell.edu/pages/slp29/insane.html to my nephew and he loved it. Check out his website to see why (blatant advert I know but as a proud uncle I make no apologies) www.jamesgornall.com

[Mikey Warner]

Wylie, So when James is sittin in the formula 1's in a couple of years will we see you cleaning the windows in the pit lanes :

Mikey

[Neil]

Too Bl**dy right !!
Anything for a pit pass Me

[Majestic]

Wylie,
Does he have your name on his car as one of his sponsors

[Neil]

No I cant afford to put it on the car but his pants has my name on it

[Majestic]

Not on the seat of his pants

[Terry_Burrows]

;)went to the doctors the other day,I said when I push my forefinger on my chest it hurts, ???and on my knee it hurts,and on me ed it hurts, ???and on me leg it hurts,
doctor says,I gotta broken finger

[Neil]

Dont know He wont show me ( not that I really want to see)
nice one Terry and congrats that was 100 posts

[Mikey Warner]

Q. What was the first thing Saddam Hussen said when they pulled him out of his hole?

A. "DID I BEAT DAVID BLAINE"!!!!

[Neil]

A White Horse walks into a bar and orders a pint
The barman looks at it and says Hello did you know we have a whiskey named after you?

the Horse says






What?  Eric??