Dear Soccer fans,
As you all know, i've been looking to buy the United's of Manchester for a
little while now. I've also heard that some of you guys may not be too happy
about me usin...buying the club in order to reach new heights. It has also
been rumoured that I may not be a fan. Well fear not, as i'm writing this
personal letter to let you know that i'm a genuine fan of you Blue Devils.
I began rooting for the United's back in 1992 when our little Malcolm JR was
practising those Soccer home runs out in the yard. I loved the way you
turned defence into offence, and the way that Bobby Shearer used to top half
it into the goal bag. Oh man, that play was hot. My son tells me that you
even out-zoned your City rivals Southampton in the 4th quarter of the FA
World series. As for your current team, that Rude guy is awesome!!!!
I see a profitable future at the United, with the young talent of Cristiano
Rooney (man, that guy can dance!) and Peter Shilton giving us hope in
defeating the evil Russian tyranny which assaults the freedom of our beloved
Soccer. With the marketing potential of those Neville brothers and that
Pearce dude leading the team, we can all look to acheiving our beliefs of a
better future. Especially when I add Alexei Lalas and Cobi Jones to the
starting 15.
Now to you, the fans. I've been to see the United's play once before, and
the respect you pay your team in silently admiring the play out on the pitch
was overwhelming. Because of this, i've just purchased a new GBP45 million
mansion in the Manchester to be close to you guys. And more good news is i'm
planning to add an extra 10,000 seats through corporate boxes so more
genuine blue devils can experience the play. What's with the prawn
sandwiches I had to eat when I was there? Well, rest assured, it'll be super
size prawn baguettes when I take charge.
I can't wait to come over to the Manchester isles, as I love the country,
especially the beaches and the hot chicks. I hope you can all see my vision
of this future, with new shirt sponsors (Dunkin Donuts) and new team name
(The Manchester Gloom) i'm sure things are looking bright.
Further good news for you guys is that i've just agreed a partnership deal
with McDonalds, who will help in promoting the Manchester brand. This will
involve re-naming the stadium to 'McTrafford' as well as an exciting launch
of Manchester Gloom plastic fan toys in every happy meal. Cristiano Rooney
will be the face of this campaign and during this, he will be marketed
globally as Roonald McDonald.
Take care dudes.
Regards
Malcolm
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Got this email the other day but only read it today. Have a laugh
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