[Colin_Glenn]

Hello All.

Right now I am suffering from painful ribs.   When I was at work last week I was on a table cleaning large windows inside a Pub. I was using my 24 inch squeegee and when I finished I put it in my bucket on a Belt. In a hurry as always   I jumped off the table. The bottom of the bucket hit the top of the table and rammed the end of the squeegee into my ribs.  

It still hurts, I have officially bruised a rib. I was fortunate it hit a rib and didn't stab me! I have a lovely half inch mark on my side. I am still working but veeeery slowly. I can rest when the rain comes at the end of the week.  

So the moral is.... Don't put very long squeegees onto your bucket on a belt and then jump off things.  :

Colin

[replacement]

Ouch!!!!

[Philip Hanson]

I had a very similar experience once when climbing over a back gate and dropping down the other side.

The boab hit my knee and the squeegee jabbed me just under the ribs.  You could easily impale yourself, so be careful of that everyone!

-Philip

[Old_Master]

Unfortunatly this is a lesson to us all on what Risk Assesments are designed for
Having had a squeegee drop on my head from a great height a good few years ago, I never worked directly under anyone again!
Glyn

[The_Fed_Man]

Having had a squeegee drop on my head from a great height a good few years ago

~Old Master

Oh,.....that's why you're like you are!

[Old_Master]

Your not the first to say that Martin

[splodge_99]

Whilst out knocking yesterday my collegue knocked on the door of a local minor celeb who happens to be gay 

Pleased that the celeb says he would be interested in having the windows of his terraced cottage cleaned my friend starts to price it up. Having looked at the front he then asks " Do we have access to the rear.....!!!!" to which he replies "only via my neighbours back passage" 

At which point me vanishes before losing job through fits of laughter while my mate waits for the ground to open up and swallow him 

Anyone else had a case of foot and mouth 

[kevk]

Top stuff!!
Made my day reading that!!
Regards
Kev...............

[AuRavelling79]

It's a long time since there was a funny stories thread - how about some more please?

I'll start you off - not long after I started window cleaning my mate had bought a round and was doing the first clean after purchase - I had a bit of spare time and was helping him.

Anyway, one summer we're in a posh suburb of Bristol and my mate knocks at the door - no reply - and we start cleaning. On the front upper window sill I notice a naturists magazine, say nothing about it and carry on cleaning. Front done so climb over gate and plonk down on the other side.

I'm putting up ladder at back when my mate notices a chap up to his waist in bushes and says "Sorry mate, we knocked at the front but there was no reply." Red-faced male householder turns round from bushes with nothing on except a Panama hat (Yes that's right - tackle out!) and a pair of secateurs in his hand and says "What the _____ are you doing here?" "Clear off!"

Turns out my mate had read the numbers wrong and we weren't even supposed to do this guys house at all! As he was being completely unreasonable about the whole genuine misunderstanding I must admit I did suggest "that he go careful with those secateurs!" as I climbed back over the gate.

I nearly wet myself laughing the moment I was out of sight! My mate was strangely unamused.

Happy times!

[Pureandclean]

A lad that used to work for me, years ago, was trying to clean an upstairs window, there was a shed almost directly under the window, so he had to put ladder by side of shed, and stretch out to try and reach window.
 The householder was watching him, and after seeing him fall off his ladder onto the shed roof 3 times, householder shouts to him...." IT'S A GOOD JOB I PUT THAT SHED THERE, IT KEEPS BREAKING YOUR FALL "

 ::)Blessings :

Graeme

[Pureandclean]

same lad on another occasion, left his rucksack round the front of one of the houses he was cleaning. When he had finished the back,came round the front to find a dog had rummaged through his rucksack, found his butty box, carefully pulled out his sandwiches, and eaten all the meat, leaving the bread at the side.
This lad if he was late in the mornings, used to have a mars bar wrapped up in dry bread, for his breakfast. If he farted in the van, we had to evacuate it.

 ::)Blessings :
Graeme

[Ian_Giles]

Some years ago now, I had dropped the two lads who were working for me at the time onto a house that was having inside and out cleaned. A bit of a pig pen clean and a large house too.

I had gone off to clean something more pleasant and left them with the crappy job (hey, I was the boss, I could do that )

On calling back to hopefully find them waiting for me, job done, money collected, I found the one lad waiting outside the house with a worried expression on his face.
He had been cleaning an opening light and he had knocked the catch holding it causing it to slam shut. It was one of those horrible metal casement windows and the opening light had smashed.
The customer was a little upset So I was busy pacifying her as I explained I would re-glaze the pane for her.
The lads were continuing to work as I talked to her, but it was like the 'funeral effect'
Customer was talking to me, over her shoulder and behind her the lads were in another room cleaning as I was telling the customer what I was going to do, they in turn were smirking as they caught my eye, then they were trying to stop themselves laughing, smacking each other on the shoulders as they degenerated into stupid, hysterical but silent laughter.
Meanwhile I am trying to stop it having the same effect on myself  , the customer cannot see them remember, but I can.
At one point the one lad has to walk out of the room past us to get to another window in another room, he is walking towards me with tears rolling down his face and a scrim stuffed into his mouth to stop him laughing
The customer isn't competely stupid though, and she knows something is going on, the bridge of her nose was whitening as she tried to contain herself.
I'm sure she must have heard the odd stiffled  s n i g g e r

It was all settled amicably enough, and I docked the cost of the glazing from the muppett who bust the window too.........that soon stopped him laughing


On another occasion on the self same house some months later, I was cleaning the outside of the back of the house, I was on their tiled roof doing some dormers and I was busy cleaning away and saw the husband through one of the windows.
I nodded a gretting at him and carried on cleaning the window.......
It's funny isn't it? But when you are cleaning away, you quite often don't notice what is on the other side of the glass do you?

I notice the husband lean forward and tear off some toilet paper and wipe his backside

I promise you, I honestly didn't realise it was the toilet window

I could have died with embarrasment
What the customer thought of nodding a greeting at the window cleaner as he took a dump I have no idea, I sure as hell wasn't going to ask him

Ian

[Pureandclean]

one day, a new lad working for me, came up to me and said the lad he was working with had sent him to me for a long weight, so I said o.k. stand there and I'll be back in a moment. I came back about `15 minutes later and asked him if he had waited long enough !!

Another time I came around the front of a house and this lad was standing with both feet in a bucket, and trying to pick himself up with the handle, other lads were giggling at him. so I walked up to him and told him he would never lift himself up with both feet in the bucket, try standing on one leg . He did, but somehow he never did manage to pick himself up !

 ::)Blessings  :
Graeme

[Pureandclean]

Posts: 13


Business is looking up !!!


     Re: More Funny Stories!
« Reply #5 on: Today at 04:59:50pm »     

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Some years ago I used to clean a big house out in the country, problem was there was this yappy Jack Russel that used to run around and bite my foot when I put it on the first rung of ladder. I got a bit fed up with this, it didn't hurt, just irritated me.
So one day I had my bucket right by side of me, and sure enough around came the dog, well this time it got abucket of water over it's head, and off it skulked to it's kennel.It never bothered me again, didn't even bark at me.
Some month's later lady of house was in, made me cup of tea, whilst having a chat she said, " I can't work it out, that dog of mine barks at everything that moves, but doesn't make a sound when your around "
I told her what I had done some month's earlier, she said " well it seems to have worked "
About 5 minutes later I heard a horse clip clopping down the road close to the house, Jack Russel was out of kennel like a rocket, barking away, when suddenly I heard a bucket of water being deposited over it's head, and a sad yelp. Shortly followed by a cry of " it works "
Same woman once asked me to clean her chimney by dropping a brick down it, daft me climbed on roof to try, real high, I started to slip down tiles and thought I was going to fall off, just managed to catch hold of top of ladder and put my foot in metal gutter. A real knee trembler.
I wasn't certain but I thought I saw the Jack Russel laughing in it's kennel !!

 Blessings 

Graeme 

[Pureandclean]

Posts: 14


Business is looking up !!!


     Re: More Funny Stories!
« Reply #6 on: Today at 05:17:20pm »     

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
on my last post I kept trying to put " jack Russel s n i g g e r i n g  in it's kennel "
When I looked on the post it was changed to sblack personing........either some one was aving a larf or there must be some kind of automatic Political Correctness editing on this forum

 Blessings 

Graeme 

[AuRavelling79]

During the early days I asked a mate if I could work for him for half a day without pay to learn the ropes. We start cleaning, him doing top windows, me bottom windows.

Picture the scene - rough housing estate - walking side by side - him with ladders.

Me:   Ever had any accidents?
Him:  No, nothing major, I've had my ladders blow over but that's all.
Me:   What's the secret then?
Him:  Always be careful, watch where you put your ladder and check the surface is safe. Aaaaaarrgghh!
(As he was explaining safety, he'd only fallen down an open manhole up to his waist - it was hilarious - he was stood there still holding his ladder on his shoulder with his head at my waist height!)

No real harm done except a grazed shin!

[splodge_99]

Whilst out knocking my collegue knocked on the door of a local minor celeb who happens to be gay 

Pleased that the celeb says he would be interested in having the windows of his terraced cottage cleaned my friend starts to price it up. Having looked at the front he then asks " Do we have access to the rear.....!!!!" to which he replies "only via my neighbours back passage"   

At which point me vanishes before losing job through fits of laughter while my mate waits for the ground to open up and swallow him   

the icing on the cake was when we went back to do the first clean and he asks us how much to clear his gutter 

Anyone else had a case of foot and mouth 

[keefuss69]

    Today something happend that i have to share with you all.

myself and the guy i work with were about to start a job this morning, its a nice 12 pound job, takes bout 8 min with 2 of us. nice and easy.  i was doing the down's and my mate was doing the ups, singing along merrily.

when my m8 went to climb the garage roof to do the skylights on the extension roof, he had a bit of a shock.

all i heard was the sound of the ladder being placed against the garage, followed by him going up the ladder.

all went quiet as i was scriming the downs,
i walked round the crner of the house to see him flying down the ladder white as a sheet and in complete shock.

the expression on his face was priceless, i said whats up??
to which he replied "i feel sick" then "oh my god" followed by  that image is gonna haunt me forever" i said what what what tell me.

as he leant over the skylight, there below him was the owner of the house, thingy in hand, whacking for england!!!!!!!
laugh..........
...i laughed my nutz off, we went back to van had a cuppa and a fAg then had to go finish. the guy was nowhere to be seen, when we knocked for the money...nothing....absouloutly nothing. 

i wonder if he'll be there tonight when my mate goes collecting.

what a tosser eh..

[rosskesava]

A short while back we called on a regular customer (who is elderly, gay and very camp) and as my partner pressed the bell it fell off the door frame onto the floor and fell apart. It was one of those newish wireless door bellls and the sticky pad holding it to the frame had separated itself from the bell.

As my partner picked the bits up the customer opened the door. My partner stood there chatting away holding the bits behind his back. The customer said he didn't want his windows done as he was on his way out very shortly.

We walked the 50 yds or so back to the van and tried to put the bell push back together but in doing so, the bell press got pushed.

The houses in this street have no gardens and the front doors open straight onto the street. We saw the customers head appear and look down the street and then up the street at us. Not knowing what to do, because we were staring at him, and him at us, we all waved and all shouted 'goodbye' to him. He waved and shouted 'goodbye' back.

The young lad who works with us decided for a laugh (he's 17) to push the bell again. The customers head appeared again and we all waved and shouted 'goodbye' again. The customer again waved and shouted 'goodbye' back.

Anyway, after a bit of an arguement of what to do, we decided to walk back and try to quickly stick the doorbell back back on the doorframe.

At his door, we were trying to get the bl**dy thing to stick when the customer opens the front door to leave.

There was a stunned silence and my partner decided to come clean and explain what had happened. Fortunately, the customer saw the funny side of it.

[Duke]

I've had a couple of customers with 'stickey' doorbell buttons....it's a bit embarrasing as the door opens to 'OK, ok....stop ringing the bell' when I'm stood ten feet back trying to look innocent, and the bloody thing's STILL ringing !...doh!