Well guy's and gals here is the final chapter of the binned witch.
I couldn't wait for one day next week.
I have 5 weeks to get my books upto taxman standards :
So while I was sat here cooking my books
this witch started to play on my mind, my mind kept wondering and now the tax man owes me about a million quid
something wrong here I thought.
'I know'.. I'll go and sort the witch out and get her off my case and my books, I just have to see what these smears and streaks are? I phoned her up and
told her I was on my way, as I won't have time next week to do it.
I chucked my backpack full of water in the car along with my pole.
I turned up at her den and she appeared from nowhere on her broom stick, (I think she was hiding in a tree somewhere waiting for me to turn up.
)
Hello Mrs Beaton I says (I don't care if she reads this) now lets see these windows with the streaks and smears on, she started to point out 2 of the windows at the front, but from downstairs, I couldn't see Bu**er all :
come inside she sneers, as she's rubbing her hands together
reluctantly I agreed, but not before getting my Holy Cross and garlic bread out
or is that for a vampire? either way it didn't matter because I had my Tazer in my pocket just incase
We went into the kitchen and walked past her black cat, who's tail I managed to stand on, it shot out the kitchen like a cruise missile
We went upstairs and she took me into the living room (yes living room) and began to point out the offending windows.
The first window had blown seals and the runs were inside between the glass
then she pointed out the marks at the bottom, running the full length of the window, I took my hanky out and began to rub the dirt off from the inside
and all's the witch could say was 'Margaret' (whom I took to be her cleaner) No one answered her, so I presumed no one was there, she sounded like that bloke of little Britain shouting 'Margaret'
She then took me to the second window and I must admit, this had a run of white spots right down the middle that had run down from between the top openers :
this time, she rubbed the bottom of the window herself and found the smears coming off, the witch again shouts 'Margaret' (I almost said to her,there's no one there you daft bu**er)
She then took me to a third window and on the top opener it had bird c**p on it, but this was the awkward one with the giant fish pond below it, I only had about a foot of path to work from.
I still thought to myself, there is no way I could have missed that, it was a giant, like the size you would get from one of those birds that sit on a fence waiting for something or someone to die
....so I offered to clean all three of the windows again that she moaned about.
I was going to ask her if she would like me to scrape the bird c**p off and save it for her? so she could add it to one of her spells in her cauldron, that was simmering away on her log fire.
I managed to keep my mouth shut, in fear of being turned into a bat or a frog.
AnywayI cleaned the first two windows, then I went around to the fish pond window,
Now these koy carp in her pond are huge, and when you walk by the pond they swim to the top of the water and stick there mouths out of the water, Now I wasn't to sure if they were asking for food or trying to warm me? about something??
I think they were trying to tell me, that the 6 frogs I could see in her pond, were that of her previous window cleaners
I put my brush up to the window with the bird doo doo on and turned on my tap, the doo doo just washed off before I even got my brush on it, So it was fresh doo doo and the witch had conned me again. :
I knew The witch was in the guest house doing some cleaning for her next
victim tenant , (using her broomstick or magical spell no doubt)
When I had finished the windows and recleaned the sills, I quickly and quietly began to put my gear back into the car without saying a word, I don't know how I did it, but I walked across her gravel paths without a single noise.
I started the car and drove off down the long drive, like I had just stolen the car
Out onto the open road and I could smell the roses once again knowing it would be the last time I'm in the grips of an evil witch.
That was until I got home and there on my answering machine was the witches voice saying thank you for redoing her windows and she will see me next time
I'm sure I made it pretty clear to her, there won't be a next time.
Anyone want to buy a house and a phone number
THE END (I hope
)