45 minute drive to first job, a 3 bed semi. Cold morning and the woman can't start her car.
I say "You should get rid of that piece of French cr&p you let sit on your drive and get yourself a proper German vehicle"
I spray a load of hot water in the engine compartment and car starts. The engine mountings are mostly corroded through but all French vehicles are fit for the scrap heap once they leave the forecourt anyway, and at least she can now get to the shops.
I set controller to 10l/minute and blast through job in 15 minutes for £150 so I achieve my £1 per litre motto. On the way to and from the van I indiscriminately spray hot water all over her drive so clean the drive too (my hot water instantly cleans anything it touches).
I hour drive to next job, 4 bed detached house £200 plus £500 for fsg clean.
I then drive around the countryside for a couple of hours in my Transporter, stopping regularly to post a load of bo££cks on CIU.
Call in for my Psychotherapy appointment after work (I really hope she has stopped eating her own excrement). She informs me that she is quitting her profession and I say all the psychotherapists I know never stick it for long. I then tell her:
"If you want to earn real money buy a Transporter and get yourself down to Grippa where they know the Webasto like the back of their hand - just ask Daz".
She then says "Nigel, you do know that you drive around in a 15 year old Citroen Berlingo with a few barrels of rainwater and backpack, trying to persuade people to let you clean their windows for £5
Oh well I guess some people really do talk bo££ocks.
Stop at the food bank on the way home to pick up something for dinner and post more bo££ocks on CIU while it heats in the microwave.
Apologies in advance to NWH and to others for my strange sense of humour.
