I think the 'Silly Season' has started, so this is me...
I say - “No problem that you forgot to unlock your gate this morning”
I’d like to say - “I’m really glad I took the time to text you yesterday, what a f00king waste of my life that was. Do it again you’re dumped!”
I say - “Hello, you look surprised to see me, I did text you last night to say I was coming ”
I’d like to say - “Read your f00king texts for Christ sake you lazy f00ker!”
I say - “The first clean will cost a bit more because your windows are rather filthy and it will take me longer to get them cleaned to a good standard”
I’d like to say - “You filthy b@stard, you expect me to clean off 5 years of poo for no extra money, you’re having a laugh!”
I say - “No it’s ok, I don’t need to plug into your outside tap, I carry my own de-ionised water”
I’d like to say - “Have you f00king listened to anything I’ve been telling you for last 5 minutes you deaf g1t”
I say - “I’d love one, thank you, 1 sugar in mine”
I’d like to say - “Some custard creams would really slip down nicely with that!”
I say - “Thanks for the 50p tip, you shouldn’t have”
I’d like to say - “You shouldn’t have!”
I say - “You want me to move my van so you can go out now”
I’d like to say - “Could have f00king mentioned it before I f00cking started!”
I say - “I’m really sorry to hear about that”
I’d like to say - “I couldn’t give a poo about your f00king lumbago, or how many times you’ve been to the hospital this week!”
I say - “You’d like to skip this clean because they are not that dirty”
I’d like to say - “I f00king knew you’d be a waster!”
I say - “Just knocking to let you know i’m here”
I’d like to say - “If I came round the back and you had your t1ts out you’d be well p1ssed”
I say - “I’m sorry, but I’m not taking on any more work at the moment”
I’d like to say - “You seem like a complete waste of time!”
I say - “I’m sorry I don’t cover your area anymore”
I’d like to say - “Your a f00king waste of space and your dumped!”