[ronaldo]

Cursed with a bald head and a wooden leg, a man is surprised to learn that he has been invited to a fancy dress party. Deciding that he might pull it off if he wears a costume to hide his head and his leg, he writes to a theatrical outfitters asking them for advice. A few days later he receives a parcel from the company with a note that says , Dear sir please find enclosed a pirates outfit. The spotted handkercheif will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a buccaneer, Unfortunatley the man finds this deeply insulting, as they have clearly emphasized on his wooden leg, so he fires off a letter of complaint. A week passes before the postman delivers another parcel with a note that reads. Dear sir sorry about our previous suggestion, please find enclosed a monks habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will look the part. This infuriates the man as they have simply switched from emphasizing his wooden leg to his balding head, so he writes to the company with another letter of complaint. The next day he receieves a tiny parcel and a hastily scrawled note that reads, Dear sir please find enclosed a tin of treacle. Pour it over your head ,  stick your wooden leg up your a##e and go as a toffee apple you grumpy old t##t.

[carl stanton]

good good! i think? so is it raining where you are? 

[ronaldo]

Yes Carl its chucking it down mate.

[carl stanton]

so do you have customers like that or had [ now dropped them]
and i dont mean the wooden leg!! 
had a lady on thurs, ask for gutter clean i said: not cheap though [knowing her type i:e a fiver ] she said: what do you mean her son repeated what i said!! point taken!
  so i gave price of £30! not bad! for her anyway!

 then later she goes on about how i charge her more than her neigbour! in same type of house! a diffrence of £1, i told her she had more i:e the consevatory type thing she has on her back door!
now she see's!

as sweet as a gun to the head,. for me  :

[callum macleod]

i think their must be at least a couple of those sort of people in every town!! i have come accross a few myself!!