Dear Hans,
I am writing to introduce my company; Carpet cleaning to the gentry Ltd.
We are an Englischer firm that specialises in carpets but have a special affinity for Germany. Indeed my old pater used to make a flying visit to Berlin regularly in 1944/5 and carpet bomb it most nights.
However we are sure that like us you would rather let bygones be bygones as we march (with shoe protectors over our linimented jackboots of course) shoulder to shoulder in Europe against the Russians like you did in WW2. (Although they marched back in again didn't they?)
Another area in which we have similarities is like our MEP Nigel Farage I am married to a German girl - yes, I have come over here and taken one of your wimmen. Did I also mention that my workers tunelessly whistle "Two world wars and a world cup too!"?
We do three grades of service:
The Heydrich - where we clean up any stains left on your floor by the shrapnel and blood from the bomb thrown at your apartment.
The Himmler - where we clean up any stains left on your cream carpet by anyone being sick over the cyanide pill they swallowed.
The Hitler - where we clean up any stains left by your marrying Eva Braun then shooting yourself.
Don't mention the war; I mentioned it once but I think I got away with it.
Hope that helps,
Gold
(An even bigger berk than Hector)
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