Actual phone call last week
Cust: Bloke from Murphys (a very grotty pub) said you clean lounges for £30.
Me: My minimum fee is £65. You might get two rooms for that.
Cust: No (sound argumentative), he said you do mates rates for Murphys cos you do the pub as well
Me: My minimum fee is £65, I've never been in Murphys and I'm not your mate
Cust: @£w29s~S+£
Mates rates for, well, mates. You do photography at my wedding for free, I'll clean your sofa for free. Just so long as nobody takes the p.