Richy's Missus: (
grabbing Richy by the ear, pushing his face next to the PC screen) "What are you watching on the PC you 'orrible little perv?"
Richy: (
cowering like a guilty puppy next to a pile of poo) "I'm not watching anything love, honest!"
RM: (
standing over him, arms folded, looking at him disbelievingly) "I wasn't born yesterday! I'm not wide-eyed enough to have floated up the river on a lily leaf! Own up you lily-livered excuse for a man!"
Richy: (
cap in hands, squeezing it tightly, looking up in abject fear) "Why would I do that? I've got you! You've got me all wrong my love! It's Debra from accounts who's watching it!"
RM: "A likely story! Why would she watch a lapdancing video? Hmmmmmm?"
Richy: (
Eyes darting from side to side) "Because she's learning to lapdance! Honest! She told me when I asked her! Would I lie to you my love?"
RM: "OK! When she gets in tomorrow I'll ask her in front of you and we'll see what she has to say!"
Richy: (
beads of sweat forming on his brow) "Fine ... Gulp"
RM: "Fine indeed! And if you're lying you'll know what will happen young fellow my laddie!"
Richy: (Puts on a brave face) "Yes dear; I'm off out to the van." (
Then under his breath) "You'll have to sew 'em back on first ..."
Richy goes to the van, gets in, looks around furtively and then surreptitiously phones Debra ... "When you get in tomorrow my wife will ask ..."
Coronation Street theme music plays over and the Cadbury's advert cuts in...
You know it's true!