Yes and yes.
Flow is governed by the nozzle size as is the pressure. A pump for a given rpm will give a flow related directly to the rpm's . More revs = more flow.
The unloader gives the maximum pressure and dumps flow when this max pressure is achieved.
So you put a smaller nozzle, drop the revs till the flow is just below where the unloader lifts or as you say the guage reaches 3k psi.
Yes you were right. You could still run the motor flat out but that would beat up the unloader - dropping the revs entends the unloader life.
Flow is inversely proportional to pressure :