[Tom White]

The recent violence following the first showing of Mohammed Ionic Mawlam's latest film “The Squeegy and Ladders – Not as Good as Reach 'n' Wash” has now spread as far as the outskirts of Lowestoft, with angry Trad Window Cleaners complaining that “Reach 'n' Wash leaves spots!!”.

One devout trad window cleaner, who asked to be known only by his full name and current address, told us “Reach 'n' Wash?  Ya cannae [unintelligible] ken”, he gushed.

The Fed, the militant wing of the trad window cleaning protectorate, was clear in its condemnation "We don’t open 'til a bit later", said a spokesman, clearly devastated by the news. “Bingo’s quite popular on a Wednesday”, he added by way of sinister warning.

The recent events follow an incident last year when a trad window cleaner had the micky taken out of him in a bar in Chepstow resulting in the deaths of 57 people.

www.tradwindownews.co.uk

[AuRavelling79]

Although I do not agree with the beliefs of the T.R.A.D.S. (Trad Rules And Doesn't Spot) I defend their right to protest peacefully.

However I have heard that their "underground army" the K.L.A.N.S. (Keep Ladders And Neoprene Squeegeeing) are very strong Oooop North T'Left of Pennines in deepest Lancashire and have been known to urinate on lampposts; shout "Geroffo'mypatch!"; shake ladders with windies up'em and heave bricks through van windows.

Not since Rev. R.W. Thugg extolled the values of the Right Orange Order of Muppetry (founded 1690 - King William Rules - Stuarts out!) or Jerrie Maddam's riposte with the "Norn Irn Secessionists Will Burn in Hell" movement have I heard of such religious fervour resulting in the deaths of so many.

Why everyone cannot follow the way of "The Great Yellow Duck" movement as set up by the dearest departed Mr. S. Kleen - and all live in peaceful harmony I do not understand.

At the risk of being beheaded and thrown off of Chepstow's Wye bridge I declare "There are many ways to clean windows and all are acceptable to the Yellow Rubber Duck!"

[bumper]

reat im going darn pub wi mi flat cap for pint mild and cause bother wit wfp im sick of them taking mick owt of us window cleaners Nowt’s Same Terday
charging 2 bob clean mi windows

[Lee Burbidge]

The recent violence following the first showing of Mohammed Ionic Mawlam's latest film “The Squeegy and Ladders – Not as Good as Reach 'n' Wash” has now spread as far as the outskirts of Lowestoft, with angry Trad Window Cleaners complaining that “Reach 'n' Wash leaves spots!!”.

One devout trad window cleaner, who asked to be known only by his full name and current address, told us “Reach 'n' Wash?  Ya cannae [unintelligible] ken”, he gushed.

The Fed, the militant wing of the trad window cleaning protectorate, was clear in its condemnation "We don’t open 'til a bit later", said a spokesman, clearly devastated by the news. “Bingo’s quite popular on a Wednesday”, he added by way of sinister warning.

The recent events follow an incident last year when a trad window cleaner had the micky taken out of him in a bar in Chepstow resulting in the deaths of 57 people.

www.tradwindownews.co.uk

This made me laugh Tosh... you should be writing for sitcom matey 

[*Hector*]

Lee...... Lee........... Leeeee........


please do not encourage the Toshi....... He does not need it...

His (in his own words not ours - non existant) ego is already pulling at his leash, due to Dazmond and his thread, so please do not tell the Toshi anything positive again.... for all our sakes... 

[Elfyn]

There have also been riots in parts of Wales where there is a strong, grass-roots movement of religious fanatics. Some local papers are publishing topless pictures of WC's.

[AuRavelling79]

Now now Hector don't be hard on Tosh - he's a very respected and consistent poster on this forum and the place would be poorer without him.

Granted, it would be nice if he posted more about window cleaning and offered assistance to others in that department but we do have an "any other rubbish" section so if that is where he stays - well what harm does it do?

[*Hector*]

Now now Hector don't be hard on Tosh - he's a very respected and consistent poster on this forum and the place would be poorer without him.

Granted, it would be nice if he posted more about window cleaning and offered assistance to others in that department but we do have an "any other rubbish" section so if that is where he stays - well what harm does it do?

 

[Tom White]

The Chairman of the Federation of Window Cleaners,  Brian Dolby, has said the Fed must do all it can to stop people insulting trad window cleaners.

In an interview with BBC Mr Dolby said it was "unacceptable to insult squeeqies and ladders" but also not right for peaceful protests to turn violent.

His comments come amid protests in Chepstow and Orpington over anti trad comments on the website Clean It Up.

A man suspected of being involved in making in the derogatory posts is being questioned by MI6 probation officers.

Barry Mallet has denied involvement in the website threads, and derogatory Youtube clips which have been posted online.

The situation has sparked violent protests in several towns, leaving at least seven people dead.

[Tom White]

It's getting worse! 

[AuRavelling79]

It's getting worse! 

It is indeed! Look at this article from The Chepstow and Severnside Times (Motto: It's at least ten degrees colder "our" side of the river!)

Following a riot outside Chepstow's select Wetherspoons pub an effigy of Barry Mallett had been burned in Tesco's car park. Also a flag bearing the emblem of crossed black SLX's underneath a grinning skull was set alight.

All Japanese-Geordies have been rounded up and placed in an internment camp for their "own protection" claimed Mr. R. Duck (S. Kleen's representative on Earth) He continued:- "and their wives are to be placed in Mr. Kleen's compound. Except she's outrun us and we can't catch her."

The ghost of Mr I. Giles was seen on the crenellated ramparts of Chepstow Castle wringing it's hands and calling out "It wouldn't have happened if I was still a Mod!"

It is recommended that all wfp operators stay indoors and nail crooked pieces of wood across their windows as the "laddermen" are on the rampage.

[rosskesava]

Breaking news

Men armed with ladders are on the rampage in Brighton. Several have taken hostages on the historical and famous Palace Pier. A police negotiator is on scene. At present, no one has thought to have been hurt.

All over Brighton there have been outbreaks of ladder rage and police are asking people and tourists to be aware although it has been stressed the situation is under control.

A 24 hour armed guard is presently deployed around Southern Janitorial Cleaning Services located in Hollingdean Road as it has been rumoured that they now only sell wfp and have binned many unsold mops, squeegees, buckets and other paraphernalia associated with the now almost extinct traditional window cleaner in these parts.

Further announcements are to be made in the morning.

John Trad. Brighton. BBC News.