[dai]

Finished a job yesterday, the lady of the house came to the door to pay.
"Sorry Dave, we won't be needing you any more, MY HUSBANDS GOT THIS BIG THING AND HE'S GOING TO DO THEM". Well I may have a strange sense of humour, but the mental picture I had of the husband
Doing the upstairs windows with his big thing. First I bit on my bottom lip, I couldn't suppress the titter, then I started shaking inside, I couldn't hold back, I had to laugh or burst. Out it came in an explosion, I roared out laughing. The poor girl looked at me as if I was demented. My Indonesian mrs had not picked up on the humour of the situation and looked equally concerned. I thought of trying to explain myself to the poor customer and thought sod it, she sacked me, let her worry about it. God I love this job, Dai

[H h20]

Hey Dai,did you ever find out what her husbands "big thing " was? 

[matt]

when collecting on my local bot of my round, i knocked on the door and the lady said "oh you didnt put a ticket in"

yes i did i said, it must have got stuck in your bush

 

i meant the brushes on the letter box, but it came out as bush

[UBA1]

when collecting on my local bot of my round, i knocked on the door and the lady said "oh you didnt put a ticket in"

yes i did i said, it must have got stuck in your bush

 

i meant the brushes on the letter box, but it came out as bush

 


I had a customer who said ' you can`t do the back as i have no access' my reply being 'well when you are in that`s a bonus and i`ll sort out your rear end then '

[Moderator David@stives]

i know a lady who phoned the council to complain that

 "her back passage was green and slimey and here bush was overgrown"

[dai]

The big thing, well it transpired to be one of these cheappy poles they are selling on the market, a bit like a toy backflip on an extending pole. They are selling them now for a fiver. I'v seen one, really crap rubber. It would make a good line prop though.
Dai

[AuRavelling79]

In the early/mid eighties I used to sell electronic typewriters and in those pre-personal computer on every desk days the typewriters being bought were changing from "golfball" printheads to "daisywheel" printheads.

The firm I worked for maintained all the typewriters used by Bath University (about 300) and about fifteen were still of the "golfball" type. Rather than have a dedicated engineer we used a retired ex-IBM trained engineer who repaired them at his house.

Every so often when he had repaired a few he would phone up and say "I've got a couple of golfballs in my back passage and if you want to come and get 'em then lift the catflap and fish the key out first!"

 

[gaza]

and mi5 appeared

 gaza

[rosskesava]

Back passages ..............

A very nice very p-o-s-h lady whose house we do (40'ish pretty and single) made a strange comment to us out of the blue.

A good few months ago we called round as usual and she was looking up and down the road for her wheelie bin.

She said it had been stolen a few nights previous, it had happened before, and to stop it being pinched and to chain it up she needed 'something banged up her back passage'.

During the odd conversation that followed my mate said knew a handyman who'd do a good job up her back passage.....

I don't know how I kept a straight face. It done me in. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

And the worst of it was she was oblivious to what she was saying.


Also ......

We were doing a house in a road where we do a few other houses. A lady from along that street stopped in her car and said 'will you do me afterwards' and the same mate said 'ok we'll do you afterwards'.

I noticed she blushed somewhat and we had a bit of a laugh at how easy it is to say the wrong thing with genuine intention.

When we called on her she said without thinking that she was in a bit of a hurry to go out and could one of us do her rear while the other does her front.

Being an erm.... big lady in that sense.....  she went extremely red and so did I.