One day of my round contains about 20 "fronts only" - most are often out or just do a thumbs up out the window - at about £10 a pop. Usually I get through these by early afternoon and finish off with a large detached house at £48.00 and a smaller one at £20.00.
Today it took me from 10 am until 3pm to get through the house fronts because I stood around and listened to (and responded to) loads of "Chatty Kathy's".
Customer one. Comes to the door to say could I do the backs next time please then launches into a discussion of her kids off school, isolated, working from home blah blah Her friend who works in a funeral directors says that it's ridiculous all the deaths being put down as covid blah blah didn't want the AZ vaccine blah blah. But I did in the end,
Customer two. House front has four England flags hanging out the windows. I didn't even bother knocking as I thought I'd just skip it this time but custy sees me and apologises for the flags but she's got three sons at home and they want the flags out blah blah "makes me feel such a chav" blah.
Customer three. Old girl. No reply -then just as I've put away she taps on the van window "sorry the doorbell's broken - can you do the backs today please?" Blah blah write a cheque blah off on holiday blah.
Customer four. Not home. Hooray!
Customers five and six. Pay for each other. Not home. Hooray! One slip through one door for both.
Customer seven. Poor old cow. Husband died of covid in February and she's lost. More money than she knows what to do with - tries to pay me £20 for a £10 job. Blah blah. Solicitors, stepson won't talk to me but wants money, my sister says tell him to sling his hook blah need to get garden tidy, need a skip but if I get a skip the "immigrants" across the road (a four lane dual carriageway plus parking lanes!) will fill it with rubbish blah.
Customer eight. Wait for daughter to leave with new granddaughter. "Oooh, look at my granddaughter" Blah blah "She's lovely Mrs B just like her nan!" "Oooh stoppit" blush.
Customer nine. "I'm going into hospital tomorrow to have this removed (big pimple on side of nose that looks a bit red and angry) and my GP thinks it might be cancer so it's been fast-tracked but I won't be able to wear my glasses" Blah blah. "You'll have to get a monacle Mrs. C - larf!" Blah can you change a £20 note? Yes.
Customer ten. "Vic's just come out of hospital, heart attack, he's in the back garden, can you do the backs?" Blah blah "of course Mrs S" Hello Vic, been in the wars, not half in for fifteen days, by-pass, mind the flowers while you do the rooflight. How much? £24.00 you got change, yes. blah blah on the mend toodle pip.
Customer eleven. "Did you know next door has had a heart attack and their kids couldn't even take him to hospital and they only live down the road!" Surely an ambulance would be better? No, apparently he had chest pains and they came out but said it was indigestion but then later his wife took him up good job too, needed a by pass. So how come he went in by ambulance? No that was the second time blah blah.
Customers twelve to fifteen. Either out or brief hello's. Hooray!
Customer sixteen's daughter. "I'll open the gate!" Finish fronts still waiting. Knock again. Oooh sorry I forgot I'm half way through my A-levels.
Customer seventeen. I'm going out Fred's in (dementia Fred) here's your money shut the gate please. I go in and Fred is in the back garden "Who are you?" "Window Cleaner" "You were only here last week I haven't got any money." "Don't worry your wife has paid me." "When? She's not here." "Please don't worry Mr. O -"
Customer eighteen and nineteen. Not home. Hooray.
But now it's after three, the weather is close and sticky and I'm going home.
Hooray!