You are absolutely right. In negotiations question get the other party to open there hand, ,so you can see all there cards. But addresses the human need to be heard by you. I am listening to you. and trying to understand your needs. In the mean time you are sizing them up for the kill.
What's wrong with going for win-win?
The truth of it is, you can't "win" in an argument. If you win the argument, you've lost the relationship.
If you argue, there are two possible outcomes. You win or you lose. The same is true for the other guy. See the diagram below. The ideal is to avoid arguing and go for agreement on both sides. That means ...
1 - I win and you win. We both get what we want. This is NOT a negotiation in which we both agree to get less than we want, but a situation in which we both work together to get the best outcome for each other.
If we can't get to win-win, then I will accept ...
2 - I win, you lose. I will not force you to lose. The only way you can lose is by doing it deliberately. I can live with that.
There is one result that I simply will not allow to happen, and that is ...
X - You win and I lose. I cannot tolerate this outcome.
If you insist on going for this, it will have to be ...
3 - We both lose. Neither of us gets what we want. It's no deal. But we can do it agreeably.
And absolutely central to this is the need to be agreeable. If the other guy refuses to be agreeable, then the discussion will not even take place.
That is, I am happy to go for lose-lose. I am doing it agreeably. You are the double loser. You have not gained the victory you wanted and you have lost the relationship.
I have maintained my dignity, and so I have also won a small personal victory!!!!
It's just a different way of thinking about things non-aggressively.
And simply walking away from a rude customer with ne'er a word and your dignity intact is win-win. They get what they seem to want. And when you maintain your dignity, you can never be criticised for being angry or rude. So you win by losing a bad customer and having space for a good one to replace him/her and by maintaining your good name.