I used the bounce back loan to set up a sideline as a money lender. There are a lot of skint people because of the pandemic, as you all know.
I'm off out in a bit to do some collections. It's not the best time admittedly. I shouldn't have to go out threatening OAP's and single mums with violence on a Christmas Eve. If they don't cough up I might even have to go out again tomorrow and procure some kids' presents, TV's and widowers' wedding rings as down payments
.
I even bumped into a client coming out of a foodbank yesterday humming 'A Spaceman Came Travelling' by Chris de Burgh, looking well pleased with herself, her belly like a beanbag. I snatched the bags out of her hands, told her she didn't need them and called her a "fat cow". She was hysterically screaming that she was pregnant, due any day soon and that it was mine!
I told her that she should have used protection and she can afford it because I haven't had a payment off her for nine months.
Thanks to people like me people don't have to go to banks and declare their income and grants.
Wish me luck and I just hope I'm back in time to watch the first part of Scrooge and Dirty Den give Angie the divorce papers in EastEnders on UK Gold.